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Uptown Allowances

Today as I was waiting in the lobby of my bare bones gym, I over heard a man. At first his words came out in large rolling tumbles. Each syllable was shrouding in Ebonics. I strained  and quickly tuned into my up tapped “thug.” Excitement filled me as his story began to unravel.

“Man, we can’t keep no toilet paper in these bathrooms!” The man said to his congregation of groundskeepers.

“Why that?” The smallest man asked.

“Man, I tell you. Everyday I fill those toilet paper rolls up to the ceiling. And everyday, they be’s empty! Somthin going on, man!”

“Well, when people got to go. I mean, you know!” Another man insisted.

“Na man. I tell you what they doing. They sticking their greedy little paws up there. They be stealing rolls everyday man. You know how I know? There ain’t know paper roll left on the spindle, you know with the little tips of paper on it. The whole roll be gone, man. Now, that ain’t right. I tell you what else, these women, they only be payin $25 for a six month membership. Shit, they probably stealing at least $100 in toilet paper!”

“No Shit?”

“Your damn right, no shit! If-in you need to, we ain’t got nothing for you to wipe with!”

It appears Wall street is not the only place where Ponzi’s linger in the shadows. Deception and mayhem have a new uptown address; and they won’t stop until all the booty is wiped out.